never play flip cup with pint glasses
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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