is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
