my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
