No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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