I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
