So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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