Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
