Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
