so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
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He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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