it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
