The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
