im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
