An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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