the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
