Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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