I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
