I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
