dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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