You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
