I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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