Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
