Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
