i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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