Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you're hired as official boob wrangler
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
