did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
