Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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