I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
