You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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