He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
