Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
