Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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