Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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