maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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