She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
