ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize