i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Randomize
