fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
