I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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