making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
