If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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