Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
