i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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