we have officially lost it.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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