i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
