census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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