i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
