I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
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Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
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He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.