Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
