I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.