Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

dude i need help, im throwing up blood.

(323): View more from California

no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.

(310): View more from California

oh, so thats why my junks red.

(323): View more from California

wow. cant help you there...

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(310): dude i need help, im throwing up blood. (323): no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up. (310): oh, so thats why my junks red. (323): wow. cant help you there... http://tfl.nu/yeir

Replies (15) Good night (790) Bad night (1592)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.

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(732): I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv. http://tfl.nu/27sr

Replies (32) Good night (1311) Bad night (4333)
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(530): View more from California

Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.

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(530): Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed. http://tfl.nu/pk0q

Replies (30) Good night (7815) Bad night (1187)
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(563): View more from Iowa

i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...

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(563): i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this... http://tfl.nu/un0n

Replies (20) Good night (6468) Bad night (1051)
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(530): View more from California

Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.

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(530): Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying. http://tfl.nu/488f

Replies (12) Good night (1597) Bad night (2579)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.

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(501): So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again. http://tfl.nu/au9d

Replies (15) Good night (1260) Bad night (3166)
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(802): View more from Vermont

He's yummy.

(613): View more from Ontario

HE'S GAY. AND 40.

(802): View more from Vermont

Irrelevant.

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(802): He's yummy. (613): HE'S GAY. AND 40. (802): Irrelevant. http://tfl.nu/3zsj

Replies (9) Good night (2134) Bad night (928)
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(954): View more from Florida

The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now

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(954): The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now http://tfl.nu/qowj

Replies (10) Good night (3494) Bad night (737)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.

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(203): A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM. http://tfl.nu/tstz

Replies (4) Good night (2421) Bad night (540)
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(630): View more from Illinois

You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it

(708): View more from Illinois

So thats why that cop beat my ass?

(630): View more from Illinois

Probably

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(630): You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it (708): So thats why that cop beat my ass? (630): Probably http://tfl.nu/659z

Replies (7) Good night (2255) Bad night (713)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.

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(970): I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me. http://tfl.nu/0q6n

Replies (1) Good night (861) Bad night (359)
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(972): View more from Texas

Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)

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(972): Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :) http://tfl.nu/7aie

Replies (1) Good night (724) Bad night (283)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?

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(320): how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back? http://tfl.nu/ycg3

Replies (13) Good night (953) Bad night (275)
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(765): View more from Indiana

Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?

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(765): Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ? http://tfl.nu/48lr

Replies (1) Good night (679) Bad night (551)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.

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(423): I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover. http://tfl.nu/e91a

Replies (5) Good night (541) Bad night (291)

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