does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
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I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
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I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.