I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that