Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!

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  (805): As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!! http://tfl.nu/4n3e
  Replies (2) Good night (740) Bad night (1352)
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  (718): View more from New York

  OMG. Drunk.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.

  (718): View more from New York

  Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.

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  (718): OMG. Drunk. (662): I'm so glad you fill me in on these things. (718): Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter. http://tfl.nu/my1k
  Replies (8) Good night (1241) Bad night (648)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!

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  (248): Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something! http://tfl.nu/qltt
  Replies (14) Good night (834) Bad night (1806)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

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  (720): I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was http://tfl.nu/iq7q
  Replies (58) Good night (16917) Bad night (2132)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!

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  (727): A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend! http://tfl.nu/ajdu
  Replies (12) Good night (3608) Bad night (796)
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  (510): View more from California

  Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.

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  (510): Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on. http://tfl.nu/jv7t
  Replies (6) Good night (4622) Bad night (843)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window

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  (613): on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window http://tfl.nu/tz9a
  Replies (2) Good night (2394) Bad night (1570)
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  (607): View more from New York

  This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.

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  (607): This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart. http://tfl.nu/peyr
  Replies (17) Good night (3062) Bad night (923)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.

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  (806): I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit. http://tfl.nu/a0hw
  Replies (4) Good night (2576) Bad night (782)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.

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  (416): I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me. http://tfl.nu/zzjd
  Replies (9) Good night (642) Bad night (1296)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count

  (516): View more from New York

  then nothing in my life counts

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  (860): official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count (516): then nothing in my life counts http://tfl.nu/4fe8
  Replies (8) Good night (1908) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point

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  (561): I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point http://tfl.nu/m5fj
  Replies (3) Good night (1215) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".

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  (443): I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send". http://tfl.nu/jpis
  Replies (6) Good night (1438) Bad night (331)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.

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  (336): Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces. http://tfl.nu/v7yr
  Replies (5) Good night (660) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....

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  (610): Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something..... http://tfl.nu/e8un
  Replies (0) Good night (688) Bad night (339)

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