God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM