Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This is my gift to your gina
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
