i just had sex bonerless
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
