Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i now understand why vodka
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
