If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
