Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
