Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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