I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
