Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
