No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
