maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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