Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
