There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
