A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
