Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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