My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
