Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
