I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
