for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
