I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
