I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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