i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
