I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
