i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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