Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Can Purell be used as lube?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
