maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
