he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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