barbara walters just said penis...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
