worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
