I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
