U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
