I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
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I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
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I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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