Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
