you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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