youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
