i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The ass gains better be worth it
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