Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
People in love make me want to vomit
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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