after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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