put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
