I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
