I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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